Monday, June 10, 2019

Dropping Some Moblins and Some Sick Beats

Music has always had a certain power to me. I think sometimes I underestimate it or perhaps even forget about it, but there's something to it. I've found that a lot of fond memories are attached to certain songs and when they're connected to a song both the song and the memory itself bring that much more of a smile to myself whenever they cross my mind.

Building off that, I've found over the years that I've had an interesting relationship with music/rhythm video games. Early on I never actually found them all that exciting. I remember a general feeling of "So you just hit a button to the beat? Sounds boring" and while that may still technically be what music video games are at their most basic level, I've started to find that they can be so much more than that and that there can be so much variety among them.

Over the past year or two, one newer music game I've encountered is DanceRush Stardom. When I first saw the game, it quickly perked my interest because of the cabinet floor. Unlike Dance Dance Revolution, there were no actual "buttons" or "arrows". It was simply a single connected floor that detects where your feet are. It seemed to me like something that would allow a lot more freedom of movement and interesting steps.

Don't look into the light!
While it definitely did that, it also quickly reminded me of something else from DDR and those music games of old... which is that they can be quite a workout. Unlike those, this one actually even requires you to jump and duck as it detects whether or not you do. I don't even think I realized how much I was moving over the few songs that I did. You quickly realize something else missing compared to DDR as well, that being the back bar. That's right, DanceRush Stardom doesn't care if you fall on your face. DanceRush Stardom isn't here for your bullshit.

Joke's on them, now I can hit steps with my FACE.
I do have to say though, between the jumping, ducking and weaving, sometimes I can't help but feel pretty "slick" when I'm playing DanceRush Stardom. It's a really nice feeling, though I certainly wouldn't want to watch a video of myself playing as I can only imagine it would ruin the illusion. What feels cool at the time would probably look more in hindsight like a combination of a drunk goose and a panda having a seizure.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, another music/rhythm game I've found myself greatly enjoying lately is Theatrhythm Final Fantasy. Unlike DanceRush Stardom, Thearhythm doesn't require you to use your whole body.  Although the controls different slightly based on if you're playing on 3DS or in the arcade, for the most part you'll just be using your hands and wrists.

Something about it still makes me think of a DJ turntable...
No one would ever mistaken Thearhythm for a workout but it's not supposed to be. I've often found it to be quite calming. There's probably something to be said for it being the first (though now not only) arcade game I've ever seen where you can plug in your own headphones. The Final Fantasy music for the most part can be pretty relaxing and the nostalgic aspect helps too.

I think one thing over the past years that slightly pulled me away from music games is my increasing backlog and increasing tendency to be a bit of a "completionist". Now that I track all my games on my backloggery, I find that I like to try to 100% as many of them as I can. The thing is though... as much as I enjoy rhythm/music games, I've realized over the years how insane they can get and that I will never, ever 100% complete one. I would be more likely to 100% complete an Animal Crossing game than I would a rhythm one.

Do you realize how much STUFF they shove in here?
But... maybe I don't HAVE to get that 100% in a rhythm game. Maybe I can always come back to it down the line and do a little better, the same way you're supposed to come back to a game like Animal Crossing months and even years later. Maybe I can go back to the days of old where not everything had to be measured by "completion" and "play time" and just get lost in the music, whether that music is relaxing or exhilarating.

All of this brings me to something that keeps catching my eye... Cadence of Hyrule. I kept hearing Crypt of the NecroDancer was very good, but something, perhaps the backlog and completionist tendencies, prevented me from ever actually picking it up. I kept telling myself "maybe on a sale" but a few sales have come and gone without me grabbing it. Suddenly though, Cadence of Hyrule was announced and up'd the ante by suddenly adding The Legend of Zelda to the mix. Considering everything, how could I resist that?

You interrupted their band practice, who's the real bad guy here?
There's been some rumors that Cadence of Hyrule will release this week and I am definitely hoping that's the case! DanceRush Stardom might have brought my rhythm game joy back to the forefront but perhaps Cadence of Hyrule will expand it even more in the comfort of my own home... and this time without having to use my face.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

The Time for Adventuring has Ended (Spoilers for Adventure Time including the finale)

After 8 years (and 10 seasons, because why have logic, right?), I'm a bit in awe that Adventure Time has actually come to an end. It actually feels like it's been ongoing for over 8 years and if you told me the show has been going for 15 I would have totally believed you. The show has come such a long way in those 8 years but it did it, for the most part, in such a slow, steady and focused way that you might not notice unless you went back now and watched some early episodes.

Jake let himself go as those paychecks rained in.
I would honestly say that some of the very early episodes really don't stand up that well nowadays. The first season in particular can really have that feel at many points like it's trying to be "random for the sake of being random". It's something that a lot of newer Cartoon Network shows seem to have really tried to copy in their own right and dialed up to 11 in a really obnoxious way whereas Adventure Time actually started to dial it back over the years. I honestly can't say for sure if I would watch Adventure Time beyond a few episodes if it had just started airing from season 1 right now.

Uh...

As the show went on, things could still be "random" but there was a method to the madness and they even started to apply that method retroactively. In an interview, they stated how something as silly as the businessmen frozen in ice in Season 1 was actually what made them decide that the Land of Ooo was a post-apocalyptic world. In one sense, it's fascinating and surprising they didn't have that planned out from episode 1, yet at the same time it's pretty inspiring to me how they were willing to analyze and build off of strange things like this as they put them out there. The amount of lore they ended up with as a result is outright impressive. Some 2nd and 3rd rate characters had absolutely enthralling backstories that built up over the years. Somewhere around season 4 or 5 the show really hit a stride and I started to watch every episode as they came out instead of just whenever I happened to stumble upon the episodes on TV. The stories kept you wanting to know what would happen next, the songs were so catchy and often relate-able and the animation seemed to consistently subtly improve. If you told me in season 1 that this same show would really be able to tug at your heartstrings it would be hard to believe.

I still have no words for this storyline.

The more recent seasons unfortunately seemed to fall into a little of a frustrating pattern. They'd have an amazing season premiere episode followed by maybe one or two more episodes with a bit of a cliffhanger but then they'd go on often completely unrelated tangents until the season finale where things would go full circle and finally connect off of the cliffhanger from the beginning of the season. It felt like the creators knew what people wanted but felt like they couldn't stretch those stories out enough so they had to put in a lot of filler. It's not as if the earlier seasons always had one story connecting all throughout a season but it seemed better paced in those middle seasons with a main story line episode or two much more "sprinkled throughout" the season instead of just book-ending it. Starting at season 7 they thankfully fixed this issue a bit again with the introduction of the "mini series" format starting with Stakes. All three mini series (Stakes, Islands and Elements) were absolutely amazing in their own right and I would absolutely recommend those to anyone who may have missed them. Stakes, being the first of these, definitely completely caught me off guard.

Ever so slightly...

Everything seemed to be a step up from where it had been for several seasons, particularly the character development, story and music. Perhaps the music can most be attributed to the fact that, for the first time in years, Rebecca Sugar came back temporarily to work on the series. I really do feel there's something to be said about her music. Somehow she can write a song about the silliest or most basic concept and make it truly heartfelt. Everything Stays is still to me among the very best songs in the entire show. It seems so basic but as you listen to it there really feels to be so much more under the surface. If I'm being honest, I got distracted from completing this post over 2 weeks ago and then I heard Everything Stays and something clicked. I knew the draft of the post was still here waiting, right where I left it. Perhaps the strong memories of the finale faded a little, ever so slightly, from when I first watched it those weeks ago but I knew they were still there. They stayed. I could still pull them out and put them to text.

On that note, for a post about Adventure Time and more specifically the finale, I really haven't talked about the finale itself. As tough as it was to watch the show come to an end, it really was a great finale. There were so many references from throughout the years that I catch new references every time I watch it. It almost felt like a fake out too because the first half of the finale essentially just felt like what the last season or two has led to but then the second half of the finale really felt like it was what "everything" has led to. So many characters, even if they weren't all A-list characters, felt like they got the finale that they needed. In a weird way, Finn felt like he didn't get all that much of an end to his story but his story feels like it could have truly ended a few seasons ago and still been "complete". Ice King, who really felt like he had a lot more of an ending to his story than Finn did, also felt like he needed it that much more. For people who've followed the show through the years, that really resonated. Giving an ending to PB and Marceline was that extra cherry on top too.

It's impressive how much they've built to this.

If there's any minor complaint I could make about the finale it's that the big song in the finale, "Time Adventure" felt almost too simple and not strong enough for what it felt like it needed to be. I fully understand the concept of Adventure Time having a song for the final big "battle" when music has become such a big part of the show over the years but when this song is held up against other songs like "Everything Stays", "Remember You", and "Best Friends in the World" it just seems a bit too repetitive and like it doesn't stand up properly. As I've gone back to listen to it again during this post I feel like I really see what they were going for but somehow it just didn't feel to me like it translated completely right into the episode but I may be an odd one out on that.

The truth?

Beyond that, there were a few strange moments, like Jake's alien powers, that seemed to be way too much of a footnote for how much time was spent developing them before this finale but I guess it reaches a point where it's impossible to focus the proper amount on everything with the sheer amount of lore they have built up.

Overall, the finale was really great. They tied up even more loose ends than I ever could have imagined they'd be able to in only 44 minutes. They paid so much respect to everything that's been built that I can't help but truly appreciate everything about it. Even something as absolutely silly as Orgalorg did not go without being noted. Ending the episode on "Come Along with Me" felt like such a perfect choice as well since it's always been a strong song that never really got enough notice since Cartoon Network has always had the tendency to cut out ending credits songs entirely for some reason or another. We got to see how everyone not only had an "ending" but continued their adventures afterwards. As awkward as Shermy and Beth may have seemed in the episode opening, they suddenly made so much sense to me when they were the final sendoff to show us that, even thousands of years later, perhaps the time for adventuring never truly comes to an end.

It all comes full circle.

As much as I figured this post was going to be full of some great jokes about Adventure Time throughout the years, I'm finding myself wrapping this up without all too many jokes at all. Maybe in a weird way it's telling of how the show developed and matured over the years. How it stopped just being merely "silly" and started being thought provoking. Or maybe not. Don't ask me, I'm just a kid.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Everything is Ordinary (Spoilers for FLCL Season 1 and the First Few Minutes of Season 2)


Earlier this year I was absolutely floored by the announcement that they were making not just one but two additional seasons to a favorite show of mine from high school. That show being FLCL, Fooly Cooly, Furi Kuri or whatever they were deciding to call it at that particular moment in time. The original series of only 6 episodes came out a full 18 years ago and having probably seen it all the way through at least 8 times by now I can confidently tell you that no, I don't get it either.

This crazy guitar hit and run is early in Episode 1

That being said there are certain themes that were always very prevalent throughout the show that become obvious, if not during the first watch of it, at least during the second. The main story is definitely a "coming of age" story for Naota in all the weirdest ways possible. Naota is feeling alone and lost in the world and is trying to find his place. There is a lot about puberty even though I doubt they ever say the word. I mean, why talk about actual puberty when you can instead have the phallic imagery and metaphors literally come out of the main character's head? 


By the end of the season, Naota has grown up quite a bit and come into his own and one of the interesting themes that develops during this is that we notice just how immature his parental figures and, frankly, all adults in his world are. In the FLCL world, adults are children and children are adults. Cats are still cats.

Except when people are cats?

As nonsensical as FLCL always seemed, the three things that always truly grabbed me while watching it were:

1) The exploration of Naota's sense of feeling alone, abandoned and unsure of himself along with his development throughout the series.

2) The action scenes which sometimes seemed to make absolutely no sense and yet really drew you in. 18 years later, I somehow still have very vivid memories of watching Naota "swing the bat" on a big TV with surround sound. 

3) The soundtrack by The Pillows. Although 95% of the lyrics are in Japanese, music itself is truly a universal language and I think The Pillows really proved that here with how well their music can often set the scene and get you pumped. 

With all of that in mind, once I got over my initial shock over the announcement of a season 2 and 3 after all these years, I had a few worries of how it would end up. I quickly heard that The Pillows were returning which relieved a lot of my worries but there were certain things that left me still a bit concerned.

Season 2 was shown to now be following a completely new female character named Hidomi who is a high school student much like Naota was. That left me a little uncertain. So... was season 2 just going to basically be season 1 but with a female lead instead of a male lead? Was that really what they brought the show out of a 18 year hiatus for? I mean, I had nothing wrong with a 2nd season being basically just "more FLCL" but it just seemed anti-climatic.

The male lead looking a bit like Naota didn't help either.

Soon after season 2 came out, I got a chance to watch it and I dove in pretty blind. I have to say that it took no less than 3 minutes 5 seconds for all of my fears to vanish. The show opens with a new incredibly catchy song from The Pillows (Thank You, My Twilight). Hidomi says a few of Naota's lines, enough to draw some parallels with him, but we still get enough of a look at her being a unique individual. The only English words I caught in the song the first time I saw the opening scene was "Life is Beautiful" which was an interesting compared to the images on screen. Soon after the short sequence, Hidomi wakes up in her bed and we realize we just witnessed a dream she was having as the song from her dream continues as her alarm tone. Much like that time I had a dream about a scary ghost following me and woke up to Scooby Doo reruns. 

I swear it was scarier in my dream.

From that first scene, I was absolutely hooked and have watched every episode since no more than a day after it was released. Unfortunately, that means I finished season 2 this morning but it was a great ride and I'm even more pumped now for season 3 which is supposed to be a releasing this September. Since season 2 is still so new and I really enjoyed walking into it so blind I really don't want to spoil it for anyone else but I will say that the action scenes and soundtrack were just as great as they ever were in season 1. I also found that Hidomi becomes just as interesting of a character as Naota and a few of the crazy FLCL world mechanics work a bit differently now with a female lead which is fun too. Honestly, if you liked FLCL season 1 at all, I think you owe it to yourself to watch Season 2. I don't think you'll be disappointed and I plan to rewatch it after rewatching season 1 again. Now if you'll excuse me I believe I have to set my alarm to "Thank You, My Twilight" before I go to bed.

Monday, August 17, 2015

I Like To Think of Myself as Someone Who Would Blog... Eventually

Over the past two years, I've gotten really into the show Steven Universe. The show has really, really picked up more recently to an intense degree but I decided to take a look back at the show's early episodes. I decided to do this partially because I was curious to see what I didn't catch in the early episodes the first time around and partially because I feel the need to get more people that I know interested in this show. Hopefully this post helps me do the latter because otherwise I have to resort to plan B and plan B is a lot messier.

Who wants a free waffle iron to the face? It's not a "threat", it's just face breakfast.

I re-watched the first three episodes and will stick to those as far as specific events so as to not spoil anything major. All Steven Universe images will also come from those three episodes.

To give a very general overview of Steven Universe, it's a show about a boy (Steven) who lives with the Crystal Gems (three women with magical powers) as he learns about his own powers. As the show rolls on, it starts to really make you care about the characters and gives you some really emotional moments. It reels you in with lovely background music and catchy vocal songs. It teaches you more and more about the lore of this world and the characters in it. The first episode starts with Steven whining about discontinued ice cream.

No, seriously, let's pause for a second. The very first episode of Steven Universe begins with Steven whining over discontinued ice cream. I frankly cannot think of a better example of a show trying to sabotage itself in its first episode. The very first piece of dialogue in the whole series is Steven shouting "Nooooooooooo!"

Steven (Artist's Rendering)
You might as well start Star Wars with Luke Skywalker having breakfast with his aunt and uncle, spilling his blue milk and literally crying over the blue milk. Just a nice big close up on that. Let's not focus on droids or Darth Vader or lightsabers, just some good old fashioned milk crying.

Anyways, I remember very well that after I watched the first episode for the first time way back when my reaction in the end was... indifference. It wasn't terrible, but it just didn't make me care about the characters or the story or really anything going on whatsoever. The episode is just really focused on Steven specifically and you don't even really get to see the better side of Steven. I almost didn't bother watching any more episodes after that at the time but I figured I might as well give it one more chance.

That's where episode two comes in.

Like a motherfucking wrecking ball.

Episode two quickly introduces us to Steven's dad (Greg) and gives us a lot of information about Steven's mom (Rose). Seeing Steven interact with Greg and hearing them discuss Rose actually makes us care about Steven. It makes us want to know more. It certainly doesn't hurt either that this whole little dialogue is backed by one of those incredibly adorable background pieces of music written by the lovely music team at Steven Universe. If I didn't know better, I would think the music team had personally come to my house to massage my ear drums. The episode also introduces us to what kind of feels like the first real vocal song in the series (because the one in the first episode was about discontinued ice cream). The song is cheesy but it's kind of a cute cheesy and does what it needs to do. It even manages to actually lead into an action scene without it feeling like an awkward transition.

For the longest time, Episode 2 was my favorite episode of the show. I personally think Episode 2 should have been the episode they decided to start with. It just strikes a great balance of humor, exposition and action. It leaves you wanting to see more. It may not be perfect but there's a certain magical quality to it.

Well, some would say there's magic inside.

Episode 3, while not as solid as Episode 2, is still good. We get to see a little more of the gems personalities. We get to see Steven go on an adventure with the gems. We get to see a backpack... shaped like a cheeseburger. If that doesn't blow your mind, I'm not sure what will.

I don't want to drag on too long so I just want to say that this show is certainly worth looking into if you're at all interested in a cartoon with lore, humor, strong female characters, and action. While the Crystal Gems initially just seem like a group of 3 similar magical females, they very quickly come into their own personalities and build their own stories. Steven himself is not to be written off either. While he can occasionally be a little annoying, he really evolves as the show goes on. Overall, at least see the second episode before deciding if you feel the show is worth watching. I mean...

Come onnnnnnnnnnnnn.


Tuesday, August 4, 2015

I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

I realize I haven't updated in a long time but I think it would be a true waste to make yet another post all about how long it's been since I last updated.

So instead, below is a piece I wrote a long time ago that I realized I have yet to post up on here.

If there's any confusion, this is basically a songfic of I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore by REO Speedwagon. The lyrics are interspersed in italics. I also linked the music video from Youtube. I've actually preformed this live for people twice... mostly to an audience of confused onlookers. 



I Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore

I can’t fight this feeling any longer, and yet I’m still afraid to let it flow.

He knew he couldn’t hold this off. It had been hurting him to the very depths of his soul. Pain? Love? No, this was a feeling much stronger. This was hunger.

What started out as friendship has grown stronger, I only wish I had the strength to let it show.

He had known Jenny for years. They’d always hung out casually. She’d stay over sometimes and they’d watch movies for hours and hours on end. He loved all the time they spent together, and realized he might even love her… Wait, fuck that. Fuck Jenny. This didn’t concern her. This was hunger.

I tell myself that I can’t hold out forever. I say there is no reason for my fear.

He couldn’t hold out. It had already been 3 days. Goddamit, he lost track of time while playing WoW again. He kept telling himself there was no reason to be afraid. No reason. But he didn’t believe it. He wouldn’t believe it. He was scared senseless. What if he didn’t have any food left?

Cause I feel so secure when we’re together. You give my life direction, you make everything so clear.

Food. It was always there for him. But what if it wasn’t now? He felt so secure when his cupboards were full, but what if that time came when they were empty? What would he do? That food gave him direction. It kept him from passing out.

And even as I wander, I’m keeping you in sight.

As he wandered the halls of his home, heading down the stairs, he found his mind focusing on his favorite Goya beans. He often stocked up on cans upon cans of the stuff, but he was pretty sure he finished them, and he hadn’t been to the grocery store for months.

You’re a candle in the window, on a cold dark winter’s night.

He left a lit candle on his windowsill once. That was pretty stupid of him, but the wind just blew it out, so it was alright.

I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might.

He could feel it in his very core. He was getting close. The kitchen was right there. As he stepped onto the tile floor, he hoped with all his might that something was left. Some leftovers. Some small scraps of food. Anything.

And I can’t fight this feeling anymore, I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for.

Oh god, the pain. The excruciating pain. He couldn’t take it. His muscles tensed up as he fell to one knee, experiencing the strongest hunger pains he had ever had. He was so close, but this seemed like the end. He couldn’t make it.

It’s time to bring this ship into the shore, and throw away the oars forever.

No, he could make it. He had to make it. He was so close, and he had to hold onto all his hope, and he had to take that trek across the kitchen. He could see the cupboards. He couldn’t give up now.

Cause I can’t fight this feeling anymore, I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for.

No, this was an impossible mission. He tried to stand back up, but his bones were weak, and he flopped forward onto the tiles. The impact dazed him, and for a second he forgot what he was even here for in the first place.

And if I had to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door.

He regained his thoughts. This hunger wasn’t going away, and that food was essential for his survival. This was his last chance, and he was going to put his all into it. He crawled across the tiles, all the way to the cabinets at the other end of the kitchen. He mustered up every last ounce of possible strength, and pushed himself back up. Using the cabinets for support, he got back on his feet. His feelings all melded into one. Fear. Anxiety. Hope Hunger. He slowly outstretched his arm, not sure what he would reveal upon opening the cabinet.

Baby, I can’t fight this feeling anymore.

And there they were. The beans were right there.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

An Update or Something Like It


I know I haven’t updated in a while, somewhat to the point where a lot of people were wondering if I still existed, but I’m happy to tell you that the trend of not updating is now ending. Now, I could easily make a long winded and serious post about why I haven’t updated in forever, but I've essentially done that before and I feel that too many posts of that sort take away from what I originally intended for this blog to be. So, that being said, I’m hoping to make this post full of all the uncomfortable humor, ridiculous metaphors and weird puns that many of you have come to know this blog for. In short, in this post, we’re all going to have fun again. Admittedly, it might be kind of awkward and uncomfortable fun, like the fun had by a hooker on “Bring Your Daughter to Work” day, but it’ll be fun nonetheless.

"...Daddy?"

While I don’t want to make some serious post, I figure I just owe you guys a quick explanation and at least some reasoning of why you should actually, seriously be expecting more posts again from now on. I mean, I've outright said in the past that “I’ll post more from now on” and nothings come from it, so I can understand if some of you might be a bit doubtful to hear me saying that again now.
On July 18th 2012: "No seriously guys! Suddenly updates! Thousands of them!"

In general, I don’t talk about my personal life all that often on here, but to give you all a quick explanation of what’s been going on, I just took and completed my last semester of college classes over these last few months. At no point during the semester did I honestly “forget” about my blog and I often had that nagging feeling that I really should update, but it was hard for me to justify doing so as I often don’t have the easiest time concentrating enough to write to begin with and I essentially felt that any time that I could concentrate on writing was time that I needed to be spending writing essays for class. At this point in time, however, my essays and courses are all complete and I've now become a college graduate so it’s much easier for me to justify updating again.

For having just graduated college, you'd think they'd realize those pointy hats are going  to come back down and hurt like hell once they do.

Honestly, this personal justification to post truly couldn't have come at a better time as I've had the nagging urge to post for 5 months now, and I’m not quite sure how much longer I could have put it off without either going crazy or reaching a point where all of my readers simply lost interest in waiting for my newest crazy ramblings and moved on to someone else’s.

For those who have never kept a blog, this nagging feeling inside is kind of like setting the timer on the microwave after you throw a frozen pizza in the oven. Eventually, that timer is going to go off, and it’s going to buzz incessantly over and over and over. You could ignore that buzzing for a little bit, but it’s going to start to get rather grating. You still have to go into the kitchen and pull that pizza out eventually, but if you ignore the buzzing for too long, you may just find yourself welcomed later by a burnt and blackened crisp of what was once your pizza. Sure, you could pull that pizza out and try to make the best of it by scraping off the burnt parts, but there comes a point where you’re just going to be left with an unrecognizable piece of charcoal. By making this new post, and more subsequent posts in a timely manner, I’m admitting that I have kind of fucked up that pizza, but I’m going to throw in another one and give it another chance. Perhaps one with some BBQ chicken, because come on, let’s really treat ourselves to something nice this time.

Alternatively, we probably should have ordered delivery. I should not be trusted with ovens.

To truly give you guys an idea how determined I am to revive my blog to its former glory, I feel it is worth mentioning to you all that I am currently writing this blog entry without having any internet access. Though this really just means that I’m typing this post into a word document on my laptop as I’m laying on a bed while on vacation, you shouldn't underestimate the danger that I’m putting myself into for you all. You see, my laptop is laying upon that bed with me, and this laptop is old and decrepit enough that it’s actually emitted sparks and smoke before and twice just stopped short of setting a bed on fire.

Think this, with less bush and more bed.
If the image that I've just given you all has earned me no sympathy whatsoever, then try and imagine instead that I am currently chiseling this blog post onto a couple of rocks at the top of a mountain top. Surely you would feel some sympathy then, especially as I would later have to transcribe those rocks by hand so that I could actually upload them to my blog for future generations to see and enjoy.

"TODAY I FIND BIG ROCK. ROCK REMIND ME OF PROSTITUTE. TURN ROCK OVER FOR REST OF POST."

If you don’t feel sorry for me by now, then you’re either a heartless bastard or likely uncomfortable and possibly offended that I have partially compared myself to both an individual and a bush from the bible in just one post. If so, I promise you that I don’t compare myself to bushes very often, and I’ll try not to do so in the future. Though I've seen some nice bushes in my day, and I certainly respect what they stand for, I admittedly would be very frustrated if I were in their position. Not only are they expected to remain leafy and stationary at all times, but they never have received the same respect and attention as trees. People will often stand against the destruction of incredibly old and/or well-known trees, but have you ever seen someone come to the protection of a bush?

Equal rights for all foliage!

But I digress. In short, though it is likely that you won’t get to read this until it is 2013, I hope you will all stay with me for more posts! I’m sure I still have plenty of ridiculous humor in me to write about. I was actually even going to write about things besides my blog in this post, but I’m saving that for another post, as this one has ended up to be much longer (and hopefully more entertaining) than I imagined it would. Keep your eyes peeled as I will be making it one of my new year’s resolutions to write more!

P.S. Just for anyone who may be wondering, the results for searching images for "well trimmed bush" in Google is not as bad as one might expect...

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Chocobos Not Guaranteed

When I woke up Saturday morning, my day was not looking great. Not only had I slept later than intended but the only plans that I had for the day had been cancelled on me. With a slight sigh of disappointment, I told myself that I was not going to let this ruin my day. No, I told myself, today was going to be a day of epic adventure, even if I had to go on that adventure by myself. 

Anyways, as any nerdy young adult will tell you, there is one and only one proper way to start any good adventure and that proper way is with both pizza and video games.

Cookies optional.

Fortunately, in a nearby mall, there just so happens to be a pizzeria with a GameStop only a couple of doors away. After enjoying some pizza, I made my way into said GameStop. While I was initially just looking for a cheap copy of Final Fantasy III for DS, I was keeping my eyes open to see if anything else caught my interest. As I glanced around the small and foreboding dungeon that is my local GameStop, it just so happened that a game caught my eye after all. The game's box was adorned with a small boy and a yellow chicken. They both looked up at me pleadingly, wanting me to bring them home.

How can you say no to that cock?!

Though the box looked a little beat up, I just couldn't help but grow more and more curious. This game was one that I had seen before, but I had never played it. As I saw this game in the store with my own eyes, I noted that it was the last copy and that it was now selling for a mere $9.99. Though I admittedly didn't necessarily feel at that point that I needed the game, I certainly felt that, at $9.99, I didn't really have anything to lose. Taking that into consideration, I scooped up both Chocobo's Dungeon and Final Fantasy III and brought them to the register. Once I handed the boxes to the cashier, he started to fish through the various cabinets behind the counter in an effort to find the actual carts. Within a minute or two, the clerk found Final Fantasy III and put it on the register before diving back into the cabinets in a desperate search for Chocobo's Dungeon. Minutes ticked away while more and more cabinets were opened and examined thoroughly. Cabinets I had not even previously noticed the existence of were ruffled through in the search. After a good 5 to 10 minutes of this, the clerk looked at me with regret. "I'm sorry, but it seems we don't actually have Chocobo's Dungeon. We just have the box." He informed me. I nodded in understanding, not particularly hurt by this turn of events, but the cogs in my mind were already turning. For most individuals, the events that had just transpired would have no meaning whatsoever but I was not "most individuals". For me, what had just transpired was a sign. This game, which I initially had only the smallest of passing interest in, was now an unobtainable trinket. What had seemed to be a completely unimportant exchange at first turned out to be the marker for a much bigger adventure to come. I knew from that moment on that I wanted... no... needed that game.

My Preeeeeeeeeeeeecious...

As I got back to my car with Final Fantasy III in hand, I tried to focus my mind. I told myself that I was an adult and that I just couldn't spend my whole Saturday searching for a game that may or may not even be any good. I got my bearings together and contacted a friend through my phone and thus made myself new plans to go see a movie. The two of us decided that we would start heading to the theater right away and meet there. We weren't totally sure what we were actually doing, to be honest. We figured we would see either Snow White and the Huntsman or The Avengers but both of us were rather indecisive and unsure. When we got to the movie theater, it was 6:00 and neither movie would be showing until 6:30. Something else caught my eye at the theater, however, and its pull was actually enough to get me to forget about Chocobo's Dungeon temporarily. That something was a movie which I had not even realized was out. That movie was... Safety Not Guaranteed. The few individuals reading who have even vaguely heard of this movie probably think that it's got to be completely and positively horrible. I truly cannot blame these individuals, as I certainly believed this myself, but then I learned that this is apparently not the case. You see, dear readers, not only did the trailer for this movie look quite interesting, but the movie is actually rated a 92% on Rotten Tomatoes. To give you a general idea to compare with, Batman: The Dark Knight Rises, a big summer blockbuster which had just broken the day before, only had an 87%. Having seen this, I was simply in even more awe than I was at seeing the existence of the movie in general.

Apparently srs bsness
At this point, I knew that, no questions asked, we had to see Safety Not Guaranteed. Unfortunately, the only showing of this movie was at 7:30 and this now gave us a whole extra hour to kill. Undeterred by this new change in our plans, we decided we would walk around the local area and look at the shops. As my friend knew the area much, much better than I did, he led the way as I trotted along behind him. We walked blocks and blocks, seeming to be getting nowhere. Oddly enough, the whole area we walked through was just sidewalks, trees and houses and I questioned if my friend truly knew where these "shops" were or if this was perhaps a complex plot to lose me in the depths of this neighborhood so that he could go see the movie by himself. Perhaps it was my own safety that wasn't guaranteed... As all of these thoughts swarmed around in my head, we started to make small talk:

Me: Man, I'm thirsty. Any idea if there's a store to get drinks where we're going?

Friend: Of course! There's some bodegas down this way, it's all good.

Me: Bodegas...? Isn't that a Spanish dish?

Friend: No, it's those little corner stores where you can buy drinks and candy and such.

Pictured: Not bodegas apparently
Before too much longer, we made our way to a corner store and grabbed some drinks as we made some more small talk. While we walked with our drinks, I thought back to earlier that afternoon and informed my friend of my immense regret that I had suffered as a result of my failure to secure myself a copy of Chocobo's Dungeon. As we still had plenty of time left before the movie, my friend lifted an eyebrow in curiosity and informed me that there just so happened to be GameStop right near by us. As we walked down a side street and entered this new GameStop, I looked around a bit before inquiring with an employee whether or not they had Chocobo's Dungeon for Wii. The employee looked down for a second, before narrowing his eyes slightly. Though he didn't quite glare at me, the employee truly gave me a look of uncertainty and precaution.

Employee: Have you played it...? You know it's all randomized dungeons and-

Me: Yes.

I not only interrupted the employee but I lied to him. I lied straight to his face. 

Ehhh, what can I do?
The employee sort of shrugged this off and started to look up the game in the computer. After a moment, he informed me that they did not have the game in stock... but that a different nearby GameStop did. He informed me that the other GameStop was about a 10 minute walk from there and, with a quick glance of my own at my friend, I was also informed that this walk would be in the opposite direction of the movie theater. We thanked the employee and walked out of the GameStop, trying to decide a plan of attack while standing in front of it.

At this point, a number of different thoughts were echoing within my head while we stood there. Though I certainly knew that I now needed this game more than ever, that was certainly not the only thought in my head.

Oh god, now it thinks it's a White Mage. That bastard is too fucking adorable.

You see, as much as my I wanted this game, I now found myself wondering if perhaps there was more to this game than what meets the eye. Certainly I had never had such an issue finding a game before, especially when it was a game that, well, no one gives a damn about. What if there was only one copy of the game in the world? What if there were no copies of the game in the world? What if the game was cursed and playing it would kill me and turn me into a giant yellow chicken, possibly in that order? 

The last person who played Chocobo's Dungeon.
As all these thoughts swirled around in my head, we made the decision to walk to the other GameStop, and walk we did. We didn't care that it was nearly already 7:00 as we knew that we were in much too deep now and that we had to see this quest to its end. As we walked blocks and blocks and blocks, it seemed as if we weren't actually getting anywhere. While we walked, we looked for the GameStop endlessly and it never seemed to appear but, once all our energy and nearly all our hope was gone, it suddenly appeared right in front of our eyes.  

Lamest mirage ever.

When we walked into this GameStop, I made my way to the cashier rather quickly. It was already almost 7:15 and it seemed like we had no chance of catching the movie whatsoever. At the cashier, I encountered a friendly Asian girl who was willing to help. With a slight smile, knowing my adventure was finally coming to a close, I inquired to the clerk if the store had Chocobo's Dungeon for Wii. As the girl looked back at me, her mouth dropped open slightly and her eyes widened. She was silent for a moment and, from her look alone, I was half expecting that she would rotate her head 360 degrees, devour my soul and shout at me in a demonic voice to stay far, far away from that game. To my surprise, none of that happened as the girl meekly  exclaimed to me that she had just seen one copy in the back... but that she wanted it for herself.

This is what I noticed staring at me across the counter.

As the girl went in the back to retrieve the game, I pictured how this situation would go if I were the protagonist in an action movie. The girl would come back with the game and I would frown slightly, take a breath, and explain to her that I don't want it. I would explain that this miraculous unobtainable trinket that I had been questing for hours for that was now within my grasp was not what I really wanted. I would explain that I found so much of the joy and excitement that I needed through my quest for the game that I did not need the game itself.

Unfortunately, none of that really mattered as I am not a protagonist in an action movie and my friend would have killed me if I made him walk all the way over there for nothing. Granted, I did feel some guilt pulling at my heart strings, but I needed that game. Though the clerk's initial response was enough to make me feel a little guilt already, this guilt only built up that much more when the girl handed me my adorably hand-drawn receipt.

WHY WOULD SHE DO THIS TO ME?

As the girl handed me my receipt, she explained to me how much she would appreciate it if I could go online and fill out a survey on the GameStop website about my positive experience that day. She underlined both her name and the web address on my receipt as she handed it to me and this was something I was very familiar with from having shopped at GameStop plenty of times before.

In short, it was that very day that GameStop broke me. I'm not proud to admit it, but it was that day that I went online and posted positive feedback of my GameStop experience. I knew that I couldn't let this girl have the game, so I let her have positive feedback instead.

This horrible memory is one that I will repress for years to come.

Anyways, surely there must be a message in here somewhere, but it's a little hard to make another Lord of the Rings metaphor at this point because I kind of doubt that Sauron would have accepted positive feedback in exchange for the one ring.