As these dogs have only been living with me for a few months, I can't know for sure whether or not they were always crazy, but I certainly know that they are now.
When I return home from work each day, I'm always greeted by the same sight, namely this:
Though I've gotten used to the sight, I do have to say that there's just something about that huge ass dog greeting you, wagging his tail incessantly while looking at you with a comically large bone in his mouth. He's completely made a ritual of the whole thing, and you can't enter the house without this formal greeting of his.
As you can tell obviously, my dog, Otis, is a very lovable dog. Sometimes he can be a bit... special though. Like here for example:
That's not a random shot that just managed to catch him in an awkward pose, he actually was laying like that for quite a while. A LONG CRAZY WHILE. Otis isn't just crazy because of the weird ways he decides to sleep though, no. He's also crazy because he's 200 pounds of pure massive english mastiff and he still doesn't seem to have realized it. Almost every night he likes to follow us into the kitchen while we get his dinner together and he plops down right in the middle of the kitchen. Our old dog used to do this and it was fine, but when Otis does this, it isn't fine. When Otis does this WE NO LONGER HAVE A KITCHEN. Our kitchen is NO LONGER A TRAVERSABLE ROOM. IT IS MERELY FOUR WALLS AND A DOG. But I digress:
It's kind of cute how he doesn't really he's this massive beast of a dog. For the more literary of you out there, I'd seriously compare him to Lenny from Of Mice and Men. Yes, seriously, that is my dog. In fact, here's how he responded last week when I gave him a pillow pet:
He loved that Pillow Pet. When I first walked in with it, he literally just grabbed it out of my hand in his mouth before I was even done presenting it to him and plopped down with it. He looked like he was having so much fun...... and then less than 10 minutes later that pillow pet was missing an eye. LESS THAN 10 MINUTES, NO EXAGGERATION. By the next morning it had no eyes and all the stuffing from it's head was gone, and yet Otis still loves that thing as if nothing ever happened to it. Otis does not discriminate against this pillow pet that he DECIMATED IN THE MOST CRUEL AND UNUSUAL WAYS POSSIBLE. He doesn't understand what he did to it, but he knows it's his, and he knows he likes it.
In fact, not only does Otis love his pillow pet, but he loves all his toys. He loves them enough to hog them all happily, while leaving none for our other dog.
He'll actually go to the length of napping on two toys stacked together so that our other dog, Lola, can't play with them. I'm not totally sure why Lola lets him get away with it, because I know that type of shit never flew with the toys back when I was in kindergarten. If little Timmy tried to hog all the toys during nap time, you PUNCHED LITTLE TIMMY IN THE FUCKING FACE. You might have had to sit in the corner for it, but dammit, it was worth it.
Anyways, I'd hate to give the incorrect view that our other dog, Lola, is any less batshit insane. Lola and Otis are very different, but are just as insane in their own unique ways. Where as Otis is outgoing, innocent and naive, Lola is depressed and scared of anything that moves.
She's literally scared of EVERYTHING. If you approach Lola too quickly, she'll flee into the kitchen. If you sit in the recliner in the same room as the dogs, and it squeaks, she'll also flee. In fact, when approached for her opinion on this blog entry, Lola in sheer horror.
Now, none of these things are what Lola truly fears though. What she truly fears will leave her not only fleeing, but shaking. What she truly fears is......... plastic bags. Yes, plastic bags. There is nothing that can bring Lola into a more pants-shittingly state of horror than one of us returning from a completely normal trip at the grocery store. I'm not sure why this is, and I've learned to not question it. For some reason, however, plastic bags are the devil.
Though I'm rambling, I just want to end on one final note to show just how purely massive these dogs are.
That's Otis preforming what I call Otis and Lola's trademarked "Mastiff Sit". It's when Otis, due to his massive size, stands and sits on the couch at the same time. THE SAME TIME. I think I used to think sitting and standing were mutually exclusive, but Otis has come around and proved me wrong. And for that, my life will possibly never be the same.
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