Pikmin is Murder

Pikmin is a pretty strange game. Some of you may be unfamiliar with it, and it's passed off innocently enough, but, in truth, it's certainly one of the most violent and traumatic games out there. For those unfamiliar with Pikmin, the story of it goes like this:

A small astronaut named Olimar lands on a distant planet. Upon exploring the planet, he comes upon strange plant like creatures then immediately enslaves them to do his bidding.

"You're all my bitches now."

As these things are small little plant creatures that you can just go and grow more and more of, you're not really supposed to feel anything for them as they die for you, but that's exactly it what makes the game so dark and heartless.

You're commanding an army of nameless loyal drones who are dying for a cause they don't even understand. The whole thing is incredibly tragic when you thing about it, kind of like the Crusades, but with less religion and more shrubbery.

"Go die in my name, which I never bothered to tell you."

There's something to respect about the blind unwavering loyalty of the pikmin, however. As you continue onward through the games, you fight more and more enormous threatening enemies, and still the pikmin remand trusting and brave... and why? For a man they just met, these small creatures will easily fight a motherfucking cyborg spider with a motherfucking machine gun, and not once stop and question why they're doing so.

HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.

Fuck that. Those Pikmin can do whatever they want, but all I know is that if I were one of them, I'd reconsider my loyalty to Olimar long before it came to fighting that spider, even if I had to choke a bitch.